Indigo Child

I remember the first time someone told me I was an Indigo child. It explained my ferociously ambitious personality and my deeply rooted desire to better myself and the world in some way. It also explained my tendency towards arrogance, anger, frustration with the norm of society, and fast-paced will to change. It also explains my ridiculous over sensitivity to normal physical things like sound, but also my over sensitivity to FEELING. When other people hurt, I feel it in my heart even if I don’t know them. I’ve been like this my whole life and it’s why living in the times we do just breaks my soul. Does anyone else feel this way?

Over time I’ve tried to create balance and learn to compromise (super hard thing for an Indigo child AND an Aries to accomplish!). I’m still a work in progress, as we all are ❤️

Read for more on Indigo Children


Traveling When You’re Not Rich

About seven years ago I realized I could buy a plane ticket from Manchester to Virginia for less than $150. I was shocked. Up until then, I thought traveling was always super expensive and took years to plan and save for. $150, round trip?! I could be a world traveler in no time!

The world had all of a sudden completely opened up. When I was growing up I was lucky to do quite a bit of traveling with my family.  My Mom and Grandmother would always go to the beach every summer for a week, and we were constantly finding shows to go to like Riverdance and Disney On Ice.  And on my Dad’s side, we went to the beach every year as well – the whole gang of us piling into a car and driving to Maine and then down to Oak Island North Carolina year after year. But I had never planned my own trip until I decided to check off some destinations on my bucket list on the West Coast.

I was planning on going to graduate school at Portland State University in Portland, Oregon and organized a trip for my Mom, Gram, and Aunt to come check it out with me. I planned the entire thing – flights, hotels, transportation, where to go and what to do.  It turned out to be a really great trip, and one of the last I’d ever have with my Mom.

A little while after she passed, I asked my Gram if she’d want to visit Seattle, the Redwoods, and Vegas. Of course, she was up for it because well, I have to get my adventurous soul from someone! This trip consisted of multiple flights, cities, and places to stay – overall it worked out wonderfully and I learned a lot on how to travel cheap!

Since then I have been lucky enough to continue learning more about traveling on a budget and hear a lot of people say, “I’m living vicariously through you!” And they ask, “How do you guys travel so much?” Here are some tips on what helps us make it happen:

Plan Ahead:

Taking the time to plan out what you want to do and where you want to go while you’re visiting a new place is very helpful. We usually leave some time for spontaneous adventures but knowing how long it’ll take to get somewhere, where a place is in relation to where we are staying, and considering transportation options ahead of time are definitely money savers. By the time we go on a trip, I have looked at all the above along with how much it will cost to do extra things like go to a museum or theme park, and tentatively wrote down what we’re going to try to do on each day.

Make traveling a priority:

Every few months I get the itch to travel somewhere. It’s diminishing a little as I get older but sometimes it can be overwhelming and I find myself looking up flights to wherever pops into my head! Fact is, I love to travel and it’s a big part of my life. I was going to get a job at a company that had very little earned time and it was really difficult to take time off. No thanks! The company I work for gives awesome earned time and before getting hired I made sure it was okay with my boss that I take a few weeks off a year to travel. I know I’m going to want to go somewhere so I plan ahead and make it a priority to make it happen.

Make some sacrifices when it comes to money in everyday life:

This tip goes along with the above one. Sometimes this gets a little tricky because if you have trips constantly planned in advance, it seems like you’re always saving money for the trip and not enjoying everyday things. For example, I try to not spend as much money on going out to eat, going to the movies, buying random things I don’t need, and adding to my already extensive book collection (haha), and I make it a priority to save that money for the trips. My boyfriend and I have talked about how sometimes this can feel limiting during everyday life but to be honest, I’ve never regretted a trip! And we still find ways to go out and enjoy ourselves – when we get a bonus or use a gift card, etc.

Accept that some things are just going to be expensive and start saving:

Depending on where you will be going, some things on your trip will just be expensive. I would suggest continuing to do research on cheaper ways to move around the area you’re going to and cheaper lodging. One thing that tends to be a big added expense is a rental car but if you can get away with cheaper transportation, do it! My Gram and I went to Philadelphia a few years ago and we could not find a cheaper place to stay and just had to pay for the hotel that was available, so in turn, we tried to do everything else as cheap as possible.

Travel during offseasons/mid-week:

It’s amazing how much pricing changes depending on the day you’re looking at. Take the above example in Philadelphia. One night the hotel room was $400 and the next it was $180. Try to have flexible dates so you can save hundreds of dollars by traveling offseason or during the week. If you can’t travel Monday-Wednesday but can get Thursday and Friday off, go for it – your pricing for lodging and rental cars and possibly flights will be cheaper just by having one extra day during the week.  Every little bit counts!

Research flights ahead of time:

I honestly have no idea what day and time is the best to buy a flight, and how far in advance you should buy a flight to get the best price. To me it seems all so random I’ve never been able to figure it out. I try to research the typical price for a flight and keep an eye on if the price changes. When I went to Hawaii this past year, I waited a little too long to buy my flights and ended up paying an extra $100+ which could have been a whole extra night for lodging. I also check out different airports to see what might be cheaper. Sometimes flying to a different airport and getting a rental car/shuttle to your destination can be cheaper – but prepared to do the research to see if it financially makes sense!

Use public transport and shuttles:

This is a HUGE thing that has helped us on our trips. Instead of getting a rental car the entire time are there other ways we can get from point A to point B? My boyfriend recently found a bus trip from Vegas to Los Angeles for under $30! It may take a little extra time and effort to figure out public transportation but it can be an affordable way to get around vs. getting a rental car.

If you have to get a rental car, be okay with downgrading:

Having a fancy rental car is not essential. Granted, when I went to Hawaii I got the typical Jeep for adventure however it was not much more expensive than a smaller car (for some reason rental cars in Hawaii were super cheap). But a place where the rental car is expensive, if you can, try to downgrade to a smaller, more basic car.

Check out cheaper hotels and other options like camping:

This is one of the most helpful tips I could suggest. This is a big reason we have been able to travel so much – we don’t go after the most expensive, high-end hotel and are okay staying in cheaper hotels and camping. We went on a cross-country road trip a few years ago and stayed at relatively basic hotels but the best times we had were when we were camping. KOA Campgrounds are all over the States and are affordable for tent sites. At the end of our trip, we had a little extra money so we splurged on a night at the Bellagio hotel (what an awesome room!) but for the rest of our stay in Vegas, we moved to a cheaper room.

Make your focus on the experience instead of traveling in luxury:

This goes along with some of the other tips. To travel on a budget you’ll need to accept you won’t be necessarily sipping cocktails on the beach at a five-star resort for a week. But you can still plan a comfortable and exciting trip that’s affordable and won’t break the bank or set you back when you get home.

Last but not least… we don’t have kids:

This obviously isn’t a “tip,” (haha) but more of a disclaimer. Kids require a lot of time, sacrifices, and money. I’ve seen people who have kids travel just as much as when they didn’t have kids, but I have no idea how they made that work since I don’t have kids! It’s not impossible to travel on a budget when you have little ones, so if traveling is something you miss or want to start doing with them, try out some of the above tips – I’m sure they would also benefit families 🙂

Two Helpful Articles for Happiness

If I think about my life over the last 8 years or so, I naturally split up the years according to my emotional health. It has been such an intense and drastic healing and ascension process, it’s hard not to take note of where I was based on my emotional wellness.

Quick summary:

Anxious, depressed, shocked, lost, confused, angry, hyper-vigilant.

Assertive, seeking hope, reaching out for help, anxious, angry, lost.

Busybody, distracted, eager for knowledge, hesitant, anxious, lost, restless.

Hesitant to change, seeking hope, asking for help, anxious, lost, angry, depressed, out of control, regress, hyper-vigilant, paranoid, questioning my life purpose, hopeless.

Fed up, mind open, open to healing, eager for knowledge, vulnerable, surrender.

Lear, learn, learn, surrender, trust, love, love, love, search for contentment, restless, anxious.

Grateful, surrender, happiness from within, slowing down, self-love, understanding, non-judgment, learn, learn, learn.

Can you relate to any of those emotions and concepts?

It’s obviously a very, very quick summary. But when I stop and think about how my emotional wellbeing and how it has changed over the years, I can’t help but be amazed. I can’t help but see how being grateful, slowing down, being open to experiencing all my emotions, and learning to change my old patterns of thinking has helped catapult me into healing after feeling so resistant and hopeless.

There were many people and serendipitous events that influenced my healing. One was working as a group counselor with severely mentally ill clients. I did a ton of research, read thousands of happiness and healing articles, planned a lot of groups, and helped a lot of people in person through their ups and downs. And through this, I helped to heal myself. Through helping others, I was able to learn how to face my emotions, move through them, and move on in a healthy way.

Two of THE most influential concepts that helped me were the hedonistic adaptation and balance.

I was constantly chasing the good life – a life full of happy moments and nothing sad or frustrating. A life full of money and good friends and no drama. HA! Never going to happen. And in the meantime, as I was dreaming of this life, I was missing the life that was right in front of me. I wasn’t stopping to smell the roses, I wasn’t going after my dreams, and I was taking everything and everyone for granted. I was blaming others, blaming life, taking a victim role, and I was angry and negative. This was the root of my unhappiness – not that I didn’t have the job I wanted, not that I couldn’t travel all the time, not that I didn’t have all the money in the world, and not that I felt picked on by the world at times.

Check out this article – I guarantee it could change your life:

5 Warning Signs You’re a Victim of Hedonistic Adaptation

The other concept that changed my life was the idea of balance. We see so many people working day in and day out to get the big house, nice car, and white picket fence. We grow up thinking we’re only worth something if we’re smart, involved in every extracurricular activity, and have big dreams for our futures. But this is all unneeded pressure. We are not here to obtain titles and things – we are here to learn to love ourselves, each other, and give back to our world in our short time here. 

I fell into this trap of thinking I was nothing unless I accomplished everything that ever crossed my mind. I fell into feeling lazy when I was just trying to relax after a busy week. And with time, I’ve learned to enjoy slowing down, enjoying the home I’ve created, and doing things I enjoy. Balance has brought happiness to my life.

Check out this article on balance:

There’s More to Life Than Work: Goodbye Hamster Wheel, Hello Balance

It takes less than 10 minutes to read these articles, and you never know what you may take away from them. I hope you enjoy them!

A Tragic Event Shifted My Life Forever: Talking About Trauma

In 2010 I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in mental health psychology. My motivation for going to school for psychology was to better understand why people do what they do. This was brought on by a pure lack of understanding why someone would choose alcohol and drugs over their family, and a weird fascination with death and serial killers. I guess you could say my main interest was abnormal psychology.

Unfortunately, even after years of studying, I was not able to figure out why people did what they did. Imagine that – it ended up being a very complicated answer! If anything, my understanding of this elusive concept came with experience.  And tragedy.

I work in the mental health field currently but I do not work directly with clients anymore in a clinical way. The majority of my coworkers are clinicians, psychologists, and case managers. Besides working in the mental health field, I have been a frequent flyer of therapy, self-help books, adventures in finding myself, and discovering the true path to happiness and contentment. Needless to say, I am no stranger to our mental health system from the side of employee and consumer.

Not too long after I graduated from college, a tragic event shifted my life forever. Some of us can relate to an event that changed your life so dramatically that you have a life before the event and a life after the event.  This event was such an example. I won’t go into details of this event because that is not the purpose of this post. What I want to focus on instead is how we talk about trauma.

Something has been bothering me for quite some time in regards to how trauma is discussed. If you know me personally, you know that one of my biggest pet peeves is someone who judges every little thing someone else says or does. I have a general aversion to people who pick things apart for the sole purpose of complaining. I am not the type to dictate what is the “correct” wordage to use, but when it comes to trauma, I can’t help myself.

The normalization of trauma bothers me. While in therapy, my therapist insisted we had all gone through trauma.  Just some of our fight or flight responses don’t shut off and this causes us to relive the traumatic event. I couldn’t agree more – after being diagnosed with PTSD and going through years of therapy to help manage it, I agree with my therapist. My nervous system was out of control and it seemed impossible to get back on track. What I had a hard time agreeing with is that “everyone” goes through trauma.

I see this working in the mental health field as well.  People nonchalantly stating, “Well, everyone’s been through trauma.  We all have trauma.”

There seems to be a need to dismiss that some people have experienced significantly more difficult trauma than others. To normalize it. To equalize people in all areas of the trauma spectrum. But the truth is, this method just isn’t accurate.

Here is my perspective:

The truth is there are some people who have experienced more traumatic events than others. We all look at our life experiences and define trauma subjectively. But the fact is, someone who has suffered physical, emotional, or sexual abuse from someone has experienced more trauma than someone who got into a fight with their best friend. Now, the person who got into a fight and lost their best friend could interpret this as a traumatic event and take it to therapy to discuss, but true trauma changes you at the core level.  You are never again the same.

I have to disagree with the statement, “We’ve all gone through trauma.” Yes, we’ve all gone through difficult, trying times, but not all of us have been truly traumatized by something that has happened. As with anything in life, there is a spectrum of events that could be considered mildly traumatizing to extremely traumatizing. When someone says, “We’ve all had trauma,” they are in a way diminishing the traumatized person’s experience.

There are many life events that are considered inherently trying and sad.  Such as death.  If you are grieving, there almost seems to be a double standard – people want to see that you’re sad because if you weren’t sad, then they wonder what the hell is wrong with you.  But you can’t hang out there too long – people want you to hurry up with your grief. They don’t want to see you laying around depressed and unsure of your next steps because then something might be wrong with you. But truthfully, it’s okay to be in that place after you lose someone. If you stay compassionate with yourself and your main goal is to move through the grief, it will happen.  And you will heal.

Death in and of itself is not traumatic. It may FEEL traumatic, but on the spectrum of traumatic things, it is actually a pretty normal aspect of life. What is not normal is losing someone in a violent way. Losing someone unexpectedly. Losing someone right in front of you. Trying to save someone and being unsuccessful. What is not normal is being sexually abused by a family member. It’s not normal to be beaten by your parents. Neglected by the ones that are supposed to take care of you. These are truly traumatic experiences.  And to the person who has gone through these experiences, to hear that “everyone experiences trauma in their life,” just simply isn’t helpful.  It isn’t true.

Sadly, there is a lot of violence in today’s world. There is a lot of self-harm and suicide that takes those we love too soon. So many people deal with addiction in their families that also rips the family apart. Hurt people hurt people, and the cycle of abuse continues too often.  And every single one of those people who has gone through such an experience is a survivor in their own right.

The truth is – not everyone goes through something traumatic in their life. They just don’t. They may have had trying times, but nothing to where they could understand being afraid for your life or someone else’s.

I debated on writing about this topic. I am not the type to compare stories of who has had it worse. I am not the type to expect others to change their way of being or thinking just to make others comfortable. I don’t think we should ever look outside ourselves to have others validate our experience – that is not their job. But I have a really hard time with the desperation to insist that everyone has had traumatic lives.  It’s like when a friend tells their clinically depressed friend, “I feel so depressed lately,” but in reality, they aren’t really depressed. If you don’t have clinical depression, you just don’t get it. If you don’t have PTSD and have gone through something traumatic, you just don’t get it. And that’s okay. Just don’t diminish other people’s experiences by normalizing something that isn’t a normal experience.

So maybe this post is for the survivors of truly traumatic experiences.  The next time you hear someone say we’ve all gone through trauma, and you feel depleted, defensive, and angry, remember that you’re not alone in feeling that way.

You are not your past experiences – they do not define you. You are you – stronger than you’ve ever realized. You can get to a place of thriving and not just surviving every day. I’ve been there and can still go back there at any moment – trying to make it through each day as being your main goal. Healing from trauma is a balancing act of honoring your experience but also growing from it in whatever way you can. Honor yourself, your experience, other people’s experiences, and just be aware of the wording you use. We’re all just trying to make it in this life, and why not support each other the best we can?


January – The Adventure of No Added Sugars

Consistency.  It’s always been my problem. I usually end up doing what I want to do in the moment and lack discipline.  This obviously gets in the way of me exercising and eating healthy daily because I have to admit… I don’t crave a workout or a salad.  I crave a Netflix binge, reading, mac and cheese, and a cupcake.

However, as I get older I realize the importance of taking control of my health again. And not just physically, but mentally. Fitting in enjoyable activities each day really helped me in the past. It helped me slow down, reconnect with myself, and helped me manage my mental illness. It made me mentally and spiritually more balanced and I was able to really dive into nutrition and exercise. I WAS craving that workout and healthy food.

And then I lost the motivation. I started to eat whatever I wanted, stopped exercising and gained all the weight back plus more. Which of course makes you wonder – “can I ever really do this and stick with it?” And that’s the question I need to get out of my head to succeed.

At the end of last year, I decided to recommit to consistency. I decided to focus on my physical and mental health and pick something every month to do every day for the entire month. This is what I came up with:


Not only did I come up with this to jump start my journey, I joined a 21-day challenge group to keep me accountable. The stipulation was to pick an exercise program along with a nutritional plan and we used an app to log these and support each other.  I also started Shakeology and used that daily either in the morning or afternoon.

Initially, I was very motivated. I came up with a workout plan, prepped my food, drank enough water, and logged all my information dutifully.  My motivation waivered throughout the month and eating no added sugar seemed much harder than the last time I did this venture.  I had a lot of detox symptoms, irritability, and adventures on the emotional roller coaster.

My biggest challenge during this time was not judging my OLD self. Last year around the same time I cut out added sugars and lost quite a bit of weight. For some reason this time around, I had a really hard time sticking to my no added sugar, and my cravings were insane. BUT, here were my accomplishments:

  • I started to stop and think before I ate something to make sure it was in my nutrition plan instead of eating on autopilot.
  • If I decided I wanted to eat something that wasn’t in my nutritional plan I thought about it for a long while and if I still wanted it, I ate it. Despite this, I only ended up having a few times where I gave in to something with added sugars.
  • I started to feel a lot less bloated within a few days.
  • My clothes were fitting better.
  • I included some type of activity in my day for the entire month except for 1 day when my back was injured.
  • Each work out I felt myself getting stronger and on the days I really pushed myself I enjoyed it.
  • I started food prepping again.
  • I cooked more at home.
  • I drastically cut down on my added sugar.

Okay, so I didn’t go the entire month without added sugars, haha. That was my intention but as the month went on it was really hard to say no and keep my motivation.  BUT I made all the above accomplishments which are HUGE for me after I neglected my physical and nutritional health for months.

Moving forward I am going to join the next challenge group and use the Fixate portion control containers from Beach Body. I don’t think my portions necessarily need to be addressed but it helps you figure out how much of one food group you need to eat each day. For an exercise program, I’m doing a Piyo and 21 Day Fix hybrid, so it should be fun!

And as you can see I’m challenging myself to do squats every day for a month. I’ll be following this challenge:

30 Day Squat Challenge

Wish me luck! I’ll need it!

The Dark Smoke

It starts with a little negativity; a little more irritability than usual. A little less smiling and joking, and a little more flat affect.  Then comes difficulty focusing and a lack of motivation. Maybe some isolation and unwillingness to put myself out there. A little paranoid thought planted in my brain that makes me question all that is right in my life. Questioning other people’s motives and intentions. Questioning societal processes. And then develops an overwhelming feeling of anxiety, dread, and hopelessness.

Everything is seen through a dark lens. The light is pushed back into the recesses of my mind. I try to reach the light but my thoughts won’t allow it.

Is it just a bad day? Or is it indicative of something more to come? Is it a cycle that’s beginning?

Irritability and a lack of patience increase.  All of a sudden it’s me against the world. No one is on my side or could understand. Complete self-preservation and hyperawareness of my surroundings. Sounds are louder. My mind races. The idea of meditation or yoga makes me crawl out of my skin. I can’t sit and be with myself because I can’t stand the thoughts coming forward. And before I know it, it’s a full-on episode.

I hear her voice; I replay everything that’s happened. I see things I don’t want to remember but my brain refuses to press STOP for this video. I retreat deep into my mind where no one can reach me – not even my highest self. I disconnect from this world and am thrown back into the past. My heart never stops racing and my mind never focuses. My nightmares keep me awake and I start to dread the night time. Anxiety takes over my entire being – I am in survival mode. I am hypervigilant. I feel like I am losing my mind and my connection to reality.

Nothing feels safe.  No one can be trusted. Not even myself.  Did I just see that out of the corner of my eye? Did I just hear that in the back of my mind? I have to remind myself to take a deep breath. To not dive into the darkness but keep reaching out; to keep trusting; to keep loving myself and those close to me. To not retreat into this madness, but recognize it and love myself through it. To not let fear overtake me and not let my nervous system rule my life. To not let my thoughts shut out the light that I know is my true self.

I must constantly be aware of these warning signs – irritability, paranoia, dissociation, depression, anxiety, isolation, nightmares, hypervigilance, flashbacks, avoidance, hallucinations. My life can be going perfectly well and these things creep up on me like a dark smoke weaving and pushing its way into my body and mind. If I recognize these things for what they are, I can take care of myself and make it through safe.  And make it through a stronger person on the other side.



Welcome 2018

It’s increasingly important to me to take time to reflect on my life.  One of the most helpful things I’ve learned is to slow down. Even in everyday situations and moment by moment, I slow down to become aware of my own needs, wants, what of my own shit I am projecting into the present moment and choosing how I want to react moving forward.  This has helped me become the person I want to be – someone who can calmly, consciously choose my reactions in life instead of being at the mercy of my emotions and past programming. Day to day I sometimes lose sight of the progress I’ve made but in taking some time to reflect on an entire year, it’s clear where my healing has happened over the past year.

2017 started interestingly – I impulsively decided to join a yoga teacher training and Trump had just become President.  This year has brought a lot of political changes and turmoil – many angry people and lots of people turning on each other.  Anger and hate and debating to no end. This really took a toll on my mental health as I was very angry that anyone had even voted for someone so blatantly hateful, and I was concerned for the safety of my country. I realized a large part of the last months of 2016 and the first few of 2017 I carried a lot of anger in my heart.

Yoga teacher training helped me observe this anger and hatred without judging myself for it.  This was one of the most helpful, healing things I have learned to do this year – to identify an emotion, why I feel it, and just let it pass.  Observing without obsessing over trying to fix everything was an incredible way to freedom.

Many times in yoga teacher training we sat and discussed things that made my skin crawl.  It was uncomfortable to face myself but in the end, this is what had to happen. I learned to sit with difficult emotions and show compassion to myself in ways that I may show my friends. For a long time, I felt like I was stuck and feared difficult emotions and the continuous ups and downs in life.  I was so confused on how you effectively dealt with the roller coaster and didn’t get pulled down to the lowest places. In yoga teacher training someone told me I was “stuck in the hallway.” I’d moved through the first door but the second door was a little harder to move through.

Now that I’ve moved through the second door, I realized it was a door of surrender.  It can be the hardest part of the spiritual journey – to fully trust the bigger plan, the Universal plan, the cosmic plan. To know that you’re right where you should be, even in the hardest times. To understand that even the lowest times have a purpose, and it’s not to torture us – it’s to help us grow. Once I reached this point, I felt a whole new level of freedom, happiness, and fulfillment.

Graduating yoga teacher training was surreal. I remember idolizing my yoga instructors and I never thought I would be one.  It’s an honor to be able to teach yoga and bring this beautiful philosophy to people. I look forward to all the things I can learn over my lifetime to deepen my understanding of this beautiful practice.

At the beginning of the year, I also changed jobs. I was burnt out in my current job and decided to change jobs within the same agency.  It ended up being a great move – I love my job and love the people I work with. It was the right move!

Soon after yoga teacher training, I went to Maui. It was my first time in Hawaii and I LOVED MAUI! While I was there I thought that maybe I had a past life there, which was the first time that had ever entered my mind. I felt at home there. I had time to explore the island, hike to a beautiful waterfall, and drive the Road to Hana. I went to a writer’s workshop and learned a lot about writing the type of book I want to write. I met some really wonderful people! It was an amazing experience.

Summer went by awfully fast. Andrew and I saw Tool AND APC this year.  I also read Maynard’s semi-autobiography. AND this Christmas I got a lot of Alex Grey stuff including a blanket, calendar, AND signed Lateralus album. It was pretty amazing.

One of my good friends from when I was young got married.  Another had a baby.  My cousin had the first baby of our generation and it was amazing. I taught my first yoga for beginners series. I’ve taught my first gentle yoga classes. Andrew and I tried a Volkswagen car show and it was a blast. We went to a food truck festival for the first time. In October I was able to stay in Hawaii with my entire family and meet the newest addition to our family. Hawaii twice in one year – once on my own, and once with my family to meet the little one?! – I am beyond lucky. I also read a lot of books and listened to Stephen King read an excerpt from his new book and he was only 20 feet away.  Dream come true.

Harley had to have a surgery on her ACL.  She did wonderfully and is healing great. I was so nervous to have her go for surgery but it worked out okay, and she is in less pain. The other dogs are doing good too and we’ve created quite the little family here – I love it.

The holidays weren’t too bad. I think I’ve really worked on myself over this year that I experienced the holidays differently this time. I was able to more effectively sit with my emotions and memories and not go straight into a panic attack. I had one big one but that’s an improvement from years past.  I chose to not do gifts this year besides some for Andrew and my sister who was picked for me to be her secret Santa. It was a lot less stressful this year but I would have enjoyed getting gifts for other people too.  I ended up going away to Kripalu for a meditation retreat a few days before Christmas and came home Christmas day. It was a great experience and I’m wondering if I’ll want to go next year for something similar. It gave me time to reflect but it was the first time I had ever been away from my family on Christmas Eve and morning. I was able to celebrate with my Dad’s side of the family Christmas day, Andrew’s family a week later, and Andrew and I had our own Christmas on New Year’s Eve.

New Year’s Eve has always been a special time for us. It was our original official date that we became a couple – way back in 2005! We went for a delicious dinner and went to see Star Wars.  We usually go to Boston but wanted a more low key evening but it ended up being wonderful.

The start of 2018 has been interesting. Within the first week, I started a no sugar added nutrition plan, got a really shitty head cold, and got my period haha. It’s been an interesting week but I’m glad to be able to relax this upcoming weekend!

I hope you enjoy some of these pictures from 2017. Thanks for reading – infinite love to you all.


Yoga healing 🙂



Yoga teacher training – this is where it all happens! 



Yoga on the state house lawn with my new mat.



Beautiful waterfall at the end of my hike in Maui.



Reminders – yamas and niyamas.



View from a stop on the Road to Hana in Maui.



My book collection is getting a little out of hand.



Dream come true!



Beautiful picture I was lucky enough to snap.



Me and Rhi on the Big Island!



The Big Island 🙂



Me and my Sis exploring a cave!



Gram and I built this on the Big Island.



Cave adventures.



The beautiful Mahina 🙂



Christmas tree hunting.



Strong man!



My sweetie doing what he loves with the one he loves.



Beautiful Alex Grey blanket my sweetie got me for Christmas.



No words!



Beautiful mandala I got at Kripalu.



Harley giving me lovins when I got back from Kripalu.



Morning cuddles with Loo Loo.



Rascal being a good boy!



Baylee cuddles on the way to pick out our tree.



Enjoying our time together at Impractical Jokers.