It’s not enough. I need more. Nothing seems to satisfy. I don’t want it. I just need it. To breathe, to feel, to know I’m alive.

There are days when I think about my parents being gone, and anxiety rushes my body. My heart races and my mind runs through all the painful memories that bring those experiences back to life.  It’s like a movie in my head that plays without my permission.  I replay those moments and then I start to replay my whole life.  What I remember as a toddler to a young kid to my young teen years and into high school.  College… young adulthood.  The last five years.  And my heart races faster.  It all seems like it has gone so fast, so far out of my control.  It all feels like my life has turned into something I never imagined; never wanted. No one ever told me that when you grow up you’ll be grieving and mourning the ideal life you thought you would lead and trying to continually develop gratitude for how things really turned out.

Stop. Breathe. Be grateful for what you do have.  Be grateful for what you don’t have. Every difficult person and situation is a learning experience.  A healing engagement. Life is one big healing and learning adventure.  Trust the Universe.  Listen to the Universe. Know you are exactly where you should be.  Where you need to be. Surrender. Love. Surrender.  Love some more.  Surrender some more.

On days like this when my heart feels broken and fragile, it’s not hard to think of what I’m grateful for.  It’s just hard not feeling anxiety about what has happened.  And what might happen in the future.  The pain and hurt and loss that has happened already was so unbearable.  At one point, I was young and naive and thought, “Well, I’ve been through some tough stuff.  That’ll be all the tough stuff that will ever happen in my life.” Of course, with age, I realized this was unrealistic.

Part of the whole journey, I suppose, is to rewrite that story.  Maybe it replays once in a while but it doesn’t overtake you and come into your present moment.  Not to say that you can’t be sad, and grieve, and cry… if anything, you should do those things.  Embrace, accept, and bring any and all emotions into your heart for true transformation.  It really is an ebb and flow of positive and negative emotions… of pain and hurt and joy and comfort.  The more I can accept this roller coaster, the easier the ride will be.

 

Openness

It looks like I am going to do some work on my inner child.  She keeps coming up… and there are signs from the Universe to follow the journey through.  I listened to an interesting podcast this morning on Insight Timer (great app… check it out) about the Inner Child.  I haven’t seen any podcasts about it after looking through hundreds of options and then BAM this morning, there was one after being faced with looking deeper into my inner child yesterday.  And the perfectly timed little tantrum I had after that moment yesterday (hehe).  And then today, I get an email from LonerWolf (check out www.lonerwolf.com for some really great soulwork information) about “openness.” Here is what the email said:

Main keyword for this week: OPENNESS. Openness is about having a willing and receptive heart. When we are open, we invite new opportunities and experiences to further our growth. The opposite of openness is having a closed and constricted heart that is barred off from the world due to fearful beliefs.

Soulwork: What new situation, person, emotion or opportunity are you being asked to keep an open heart towards? Remember that openness only arises within us when our hearts are trusting. If your heart is fearful, explore what the root cause of this fear is. Are you scared of being hurt, destroyed, or abandoned? Remember that your Soul is always there for you as your ultimate source of guidance, love, comfort, and support. Nothing can truly harm you. The more open you can remain towards new experiences, the more you inner growth will skyrocket. 

We hope this week’s message helps you to further your self-realization.

With love,

Luna + Sol