I finally finished “Anatomy of the Spirit.” It took me a while to finish. A year or so ago, at my old job, my boss was reading it and she had it laying on top of her bag. I was instantly drawn to the name of the book, and at the same time admired my supervisor’s willingness to dive into the spiritual realm at this level. I mean, seriously… reading a book called “Anatomy of the Spirit” seemed to be quite advanced. At that time, I knew I would read that book eventually… but, I have to be honest – I thought it was much more advanced than I would ever be able to understand. Little did I know this book would come into my life once more when reviewing my required readings for yoga teacher training. I was excited to see it on the list, but also a little intimidated.
I was resisting reading this book, once I had in front of me and it was time to read it. The more I learn about the spiritual journey the more I clearly see myself reacting with fear towards certain things because I know how profound they will be. Once I read this book, I knew I’d never be the same. The book ends with, “We contain the scripture. We contain Divinity. We are Divinity. We are the church, the synagogue, the ashram. We need but close our eyes and feel the energy of the sacraments, the sefirot, the chakras, as the origin of our own power – as the energy that fuels our biology. Ironically, once we realize the stuff of which we are made, we have no choice but to live a spiritual life.“ My boyfriend and I have often expressed the feeling that once you know deeper and deeper spiritual information, you can’t go back to ignorance.
Despite my resistance to read this book and my preconceived notion that I wasn’t at a level to understand the material, I did enjoy my experience of working through the chapters. I was surprised at how much I connected to – how many times I connected on a deep level to what was being shared is innumerable. When talking about energy and finding life’s purpose, many people describe it as focusing on what makes you feel alive and excited. Reading this type of stuff makes me feel alive in a way that physically manifests in pure excitement. I felt all range of emotions while reading and instead of judging myself and trying to change my negative emotions, I just observed them, created more awareness around them, and kept going. The act of finishing this book with an open mind and heart was actually a miracle within itself.
Reading about a spiritual crisis being similar to a psychological crisis, and living through the “dark night” brought me hope that I’m not going crazy – instead I am in a deep personal transformation that is bigger than me. My fears and confusion and resistance were all validated and explained in this book, along with a discussion on how to move through it. I appreciated the no bull-shit approach, and it spoke to my heart. Interestingly enough, the last question posed in the book is, “Are you afraid of a closer spiritual connection to the Divine because of the changes that it might trigger in your life?” The answer to that question for me is YES! And that’s my next thing to let unfold… observe this fear and find a way to surrender in a way that is helpful for my own healing.
Another interesting thing that came up in the last few weeks is a newly fascination with didgeridoos. The yoga studio I am taking my yoga teacher training with offered a didgeridoo workshop, and I had no idea what the heck a didgeridoo was. I looked it up on YouTube and remember thinking “What in the heck is this?” I didn’t see the significance of it but felt drawn to attend the workshop. Unfortunately, I’m low on money due to saving for Hawaii in June, so I wasn’t sure if I could go and decided not to sign up. But over the few weeks after first discovering didgeridoo music, I found myself continually thinking about it. Almost obsessively.
Last weekend was another yoga teacher training weekend; one where all of the groups came together. I once again saw my yogi friend Sarah. For some reason, she is very drawn to interacting with me and we keep crossing paths at the yoga weekends and other yoga workshops, including the Shaman workshop a little while ago. I am becoming more and more drawn to her as we connect so easily. She’s a genuine soul with positive, supportive energy, and brightens whatever room she is in. This last weekend she told me more about her story and how she one day just left her life in Cape C
This last weekend she told me more about her story and how she one day just left her life in Cape Cod, moving up here after a vision during restorative yoga. She then told me how she created a friendship with a Shaman lady, who was teaching her all about Shamanism and she felt drawn to teach me. Part of the weekend was identifying what your personal mission statement was, focusing on your dharma. What is your life’s purpose? What activity/beliefs/situations make you feel alive, excited, and cause you to feel like a genius? I was struggling with this until I talked to Sarah.
In a very calm, straightforward way, she asked me only a few questions about what makes me feel excited, alive, and what I’m drawn to. Without even thinking about it and without ever sharing this with anyone, I said, “I need to play the didgeridoo!” She then said, “I have one you can probably have. My sister has it but I’m sure she never plays it. And my friend made it. You can totally have it.” I almost cried I was so happy – oh synchronicities are beautiful, beautiful miracles.
The next day I got a reminder email for the didgeridoo workshop at my yoga studio. It ended up being canceled due to low attendance. But then I got another email from a different place in the area about a didgeridoo chakra clearing – ON MY BIRTHDAY. I looked up the didgeridoo musician and he is in NH (I thought he was from a different state and traveling here). He opened his own sound therapy business focused on didgeridoo playing. I almost died with excitement to learn this. I immediately emailed him and asked about lessons. His wife emailed me back, and yes he does do lessons. How perfectly is this all aligning? And how quickly. It’s amazing.
During that same yoga weekend, it was confirmed to me that chanting and sound therapy is what makes me feel excited. It’s what really works for me. We chanted two mantras 108 times each, and the shift in energy I experienced was indescribable. I have always been drawn to music, sound, and realize through shamanic journeying and drumming, and now the didgeridoo, I have a future in this.
As for a personal update – I am enjoying my new job. I love the people I work with and the job itself is a good fit. I’m glad I made the decision I did despite missing the people I worked with and the clients that attended the program.
And now for some pictures …